oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
