i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I know her cup size but not her name....
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize