i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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