He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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