how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
