Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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