I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
