if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
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