He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
