u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
