Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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