She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
