I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
