he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Randomize
