I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
