im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
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