i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
