she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Randomize
