This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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