Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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