I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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