I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Ladies don't puke and tell
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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