Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
