I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
