I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize