I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
