I seem to have left my pride at pride
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
