I think my vagina is haunted
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
