the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
