Ambien. No doubt about it.
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize