dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
