Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
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