thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Randomize
