I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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