You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
