I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
