I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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