Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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