I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize