Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
