Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
my sisters under your porch take her home
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
