Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
