why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
