Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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