im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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