it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
