i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
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