I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
