she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
My dad just said "fuck circus"
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
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