Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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