Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
