you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I just found puke in my bra..
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
