So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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