I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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