Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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