life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
