There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
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