Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
