ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
