bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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