just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Randomize
