I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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