I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
