You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
