people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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