I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
