I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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