wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
