Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
