just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
