Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
