i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
