The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
