Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
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