well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Randomize
