I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
