Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Pooping to opera.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
