whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
